What Choice in the Matter? 

Being transgender is not a choice.  It is not a decision you make one morning while sipping your morning cup of coffee.  It is not a choice you make by flipping a coin and assigning heads or tails.  People do not decide to become a girl or boy any more than we decide how we wanted to look ("Hmmm, I think I'd like to be tall."). 

Being transgender has been linked to genetics through studies of DNA.  The brain gender clashes with the birth gender (or the physical gender).  Doctors, scientists and researchers in the Netherlands and Europe, along with some institutions in America and Canada, have found evidence that shows certain gender markers in the brain transmit one gender identity while the body developed a different one. The technical term most used by schools of medicine and psychology is Gender Dysmorphia.  Much can be learned about this “condition” on the internet, in books and by talking with people who are transgender and their partners (as this is a very personal issue, please be respectful of boundaries and approach transgender individuals with respect and care).  Do not ever ask someone transgender when they "chose" to become a boy or girl.  Think of it this way:  When did you "choose" your gender?

To prepare:

• Own your lack of understanding – it is ok to not understand and request clarification.
• Always approach any person with appropriate boundaries and respect, in the same way you would wish to be approached when asked about a very personal issue in your life.
• Own your discomforts – become aware of what makes you uncomfortable and understand that it is yours, not theirs, to own.
• Read the other points in Getting Started.

In Conversation:

• Try using the following questions.
• Would you be willing to help me understand what your life is like?
• When did you start thinking about your gender?
• When did you realize you were gender-different?
• Do you identify with the term “transgender?”  If not, what term are you most comfortable with people using, if any?
• What does “transgender” (or the term they choose) mean to you?
• What has been most difficult about your journey as a transgender person?
• What has been most helpful about your journey as a transgender person?
• In what ways can I support you?